I thought to share this prayer and the comforting of the Spirit because so many of us have these same kind of thoughts, maybe not exactly, but are unable to express them in words. In addition, some would contend how a prayer is personal and should not be shared. However, Yahshua quoted more from the book of Psalms (which are prayers) than any other portion of the Torah.
But before I do, I would like to say that it is difficult to have the Spirit of life in you, but in the same breath the sin of the flesh and mind struggling to have predominance. However, we are promised that this struggle will one day come to an end. When Yahshua returns, those of us who are here on this earth, which I believe is this generation, will be changed in a twinkling of an eye. There will be no more to separate us from that which our hearts yearn for. This transformation will be soon, and our freedom sure; however, some will not be able to abide because they are carnal and have not abased themselves and truly cried out to Him (like a mother who has lost their only child) to be saved from the time of testing which shall befall all who dwell on this earth.
I would like to share a very scary experience that I had after a dream which prompted an extreme emotional outcry in tears to the Father to spare all and to save all. I believe these words came from an Angel sent to respond to my cry. These were the words (paraphrased because of my failing memory)
“Judgment must come, as well as to vindicate all those slain for Christ sake. As such, when time stands still, great and horrific things will befall all those which dwell on the earth. However, you will be redeemed and your family saved.”
Some don’t believe that there is a God who loves them so dearly that He would come in the form of flesh to redeem the relationship which was lost after the fall. I have a very finite understanding of this passion because I have such a love for my spouse that it consumes me, this passion causes me also to cry out to Him to be with Him. Not because of fear of death or judgment, but because I want to be able to love the One who first loved me. In this prayer, God responds to me just as God responds to David as he writes and shared his feelings with God captured in the Psalms. This is the struggle, Then God:
YHWH and my Savior Yahshua, glory be to your name in the highest. My love is growing cold because my heart feels no fire. Though your word directs me, I have sinned against you. Please forgive me and your people! Without you I can do nothing and my life is drawing to a close because I have no more will to pursue work as I did before. My desire is to be financially free but my works of my hands profit me nothing. My lust and love for my wife consumes me, I can do almost nothing without her. She pulls on me even when she is away from me and I am left almost helpless. What shall I do Father of creation? My dealings are with unbelievers and I do not know which way to go. My family will be crushed and all will be lost.
Do you know who I am? Have you seen me work in your life again and again? Who am I to fear? Who am I to be confused? I have placed the Sun in the sky and the moon and the stars for light. I do all that is good. I am coming to you to restore what has been lost. The dreams you have forsaken.
My God and only true friend. Why do I sin against you? Why do I consult with those around me and not run to you my KING? Can I dine with you my God and Savior please? Can I sit at your table please? Can I worship you without sin present? I loathe myself and who I am though I attempt to stay true to your precepts. I fail every day. I have no strength without you and seem to be powerless. Will I ever conquer my flesh? Will I ever chose life and the way of righteousness?
Lift your head up for my redemption is drawing near. You will be with me in paradise. You will sup with me at my table. You will dwell with me forever. Face to face.
My children, all of them, please open their eyes to know you. Protect us from the evil one and all that follow him. Keep us from all unrighteousness. For without you and your grace and mercy we will all perish. What shall I do about my job? My heart is heavy because I have lost all. So I will wait for the Lord and He will renew my strength.
